As we age, there are many things that start to change. Our hearing, our eyesight, our mobility, and our mental health. It can be difficult to talk to your loved one about their need for care in any of these areas.
It’s also difficult for your loved one to hear. In particular, when it comes to declining memory or mental health concerns. But, these conversations need to happen, so here are a few tips to help you get through it.
Tips for Difficult Conversations with Your Loved One
Ideally, you want to have this conversation as early as possible. Memory loss, and the diseases that cause it can only get worse.
Be Prepared
As soon as you notice a change happening in your loved one, you need to start thinking about addressing your loved one right away. This is never easy but the earlier you broach the subject, the better for everyone.
You need to plan out what you are going to say. Never just bombard them with accusations or out of anger or frustration. You need to go in prepared so there is no faltering.
This means doing your homework. You need to know what your options are before you are able to offer any up to them. Be sure to include other family members.
If it comes to it, you and your other family members need to be on the same page and ready to accept whatever the outcome is. This might mean providing a bit of care for yourselves in the beginning so your parent gets used to the idea.
Be Kind
Don’t come into the conversation hot. You have planned out what you want to say so make sure you stick to the script. Depending on their cognitive skills, you need to expect resistance.
This is why you go in prepared. You need to remain firm but open to hearing their own concerns. It is bound to be a frustrating and emotional conversation, so remain as calm as possible.
Don’t raise your voice or cut them off. The idea that they will resist is quite natural, so always remind them you are doing this out of love and concern for their safety.
Be Honest
It’s important that you point out the reasons you are suggesting the need for care. Ideally, you want them to remain in their home as long as possible, so make sure that is what you reinforce right from the start.
List a few areas where you have noticed problems. Perhaps they wandered off or forgot where they were. Maybe they keep having small accidents around the house that are concerning.
If their well-being is in question, then let them know that it is in their best interest that they have some assistance. There is a good chance that they already know they are in decline, but living in denial.
Offer Them Options
Don’t make any final decisions unless you absolutely have to. It is best to give them a few options, even if you already know what the outcome needs to be. Make sure they feel like they are in charge.
Have a few options ready. This will depend on what type of care they need. It might be that they can no longer drive, so let them know you or someone will drive them places, you will get them a ride service, or they can take public transportation.
If it comes to care needed in the home, again have a few options ready. Ask them what would work best for them. Some people would be uncomfortable with a stranger in their home, others would not want to feel like a burden to their children.
See also: Seniors with Memory Loss: Benefits of Structured Daily Routines
Remain Positive
First and foremost, it is vital that your parent or loved one understands that you have their best interests at heart. Let them know that this is all for their own good and safety.
Point out the benefits of adding some assistance to their lives so that they can manage better. They will offer up excuses but you need to stay positive and reinforce that you are doing it out of love.
If they do resist and get upset, you may need to take a break. Don’t get upset or angry, as this will not offer up the result you want. They are still your parent and you need to be respectful.
You can also suggest a medical alert system. This will give you and your loved one peace of mind. It is reassuring to know that they have access to 24/7 with just the press of a button.